It is 3:45 in the morning and this is the third night I have not slept. I have been functioning, in my opinion, well with very little or no sleep. I know why I am not sleeping. I had a horrific nightmare (very rare) on Tuesday night and have not slept since. I do not want the emotions of what happened in that dream to invade my heart and mind again. But one of things that is weighing so heavy on my mind right now is the promise God makes in Proverbs that when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet (Proverbs 3:24).
So the fact that I have made a deliberate decision not to fall asleep for fear of a recurring night mare or that I don't trust that He will make my sleep sweet, speaks volumes to me about my relationship with Him. How much do I really trust Him? Do I really believe that what He says in His Word is true. Right now with it being 3:49 in the morning says to me uhhhhh NO! And oh my how I hate to admit that but my words can say all day long that I trust Him, I believe His Word to be truth but my actions are speaking so much louder than my words.
My actions of choosing not to ever fall asleep again is like a big slap in His face and I am basically saying to Him that I am going to take care of myself, protect myself, because I do not trust You enough to do it for me. That very response to God's promises scares me more than any nightmare ever could so in this moment I am choosing to trust Him, to believe Him to stand firm that when I lie down, I will not be afraid; when I lie down, my sleep will be sweet....Good Night!
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