Fly Eagle Fly

I had this really wonderful moment with God this evening and the sources of the experience came from two very different venues.  I love David Crowder's Oh How He Loves and had not listened to it this week and I am one who will listen to a song over and over and over again.  So I kept hitting repeat as I tried to convince myself of oh how He loves us (me). 

As I am repeating this beautiful song, trying to get it down in my spirit, my 8 year asked me to read his next unit reading assignment to him tonight as he was drifting off to sleep.  Usually I read one page and he reads one page but tonight I had the luxury of reading this story on my own and continued to read it aloud even past the steady breathing of my sleeping child. 

The name of the story is Fly Eagle Fly An African Tale retold by Christopher Gregorowski.  The first page of this children's story captured my attention.  It speaks of a lost calf and a farmer who searches over hillsides, through forests, and dangerous mountain cliffs to find his lost calf.  As I was reading this illustration, God spoke very clearly to me that this is how He searches for me.  If I get lost He will go High and Low, over rivers and valleys to bring me back home.  That realization alone on the first page of this story was enough to make me tear up and praise Him for loving me that much. 

But the story was not over.  The farmer did not find the calf but instead found a baby eagle who had been blown off his nest onto a mountainous cliff.  The farmer rescued the baby eagle and although he was returning home with an eagle and not his calf, on the way back to his farm he stilled called out for his lost calf (isn't that what God does...He keeps searching for us as He rescues yet another lost soul).  Thankfully the calf was safe at home when the farmer returned so then the story begins to focus on the baby eagle. 

The farmer decides to teach the eagle how to be a chicken.  Although he recognizes by telling his children that the 'eagle is the king of the birds but we shall train it to be a chicken'.  (wow haven't some of us been trained to be chickens even when others around us know we are the king of the birds). 

So all of this eagle's life he walks like an chicken, talks like an chicken and eats right along side the chickens never realizing it is an eagle.  Fortunately a neighbor becomes enthralled with this bird and commits to helping the eagle realize he was born to be and do much more than just being a chicken.  It took several trails but finally the eagle realizes its potential and soars into the sky never to be seen by chickens again. 

That is such a bad paraphrase of this story but oh how it touched me.  It was like God was saying to me I created you to be more than a chicken.  Although you walk like a chicken, talk like a chicken and eat with the chickens you were born to be an eagle.  It might take several trails for Me to get you to see your potential but I am enthralled with you and I am not giving up until you soar like the eagle you were born to be. 

Because OH HOW HE LOVES US SO...OH HOW HE LOVES US!!!!

Burn Out

I have never been one to only have one thing going on at a time.  I have worked three jobs for as long as I can remember.  I have raised my children on my own.  I really try not to ask for help if I can absolutely help it and yet I realized that God pulled me from that way of living because He wanted me to find rest.  I was literally about to lose my mind because of all the responsibilities I held and had held for many many years.  But now I think I am finding myself back in the same situation but this time in the name of working for God.

I have commitments to someone or something every single day and rarely am I resting. And as I prepare for tomorrow I am finding myself resenting a leader in the church because they are expecting me to be at a certain place at a certain time or so I think they are, they probably aren't even thinking about me and my small role I play at the church.  My tiredness may be leading me to irrational thoughts and once I have kept my commitments I always feel like it was not as bad as I had envisioned it would be. Actually I never really envision any of my commitments to be bad I just literally have to motivate myself to go.  I always enjoy the time I spent with the people I committed to or the places I committed to being but why do I find myself dreading the actual act.  I just want to sleep but nothing comes to a sleeper but a dream. 

In my past life, when I finally laid down to rest I would replay conversations or situations and sometimes cringe with regret or question what did someone really mean by that?  In this life even though I am busy, I always lay down having known this was a good day and I truly made a difference.  So again, what is it that I am dreading?  Making a difference? Having a good day?  Or expending the energy it takes to actually have a good and meaningful life? 

I have such a long way to go.  It is like I am trying to sabotage the plan God has for me.  I am always getting in the way and I am so ready to be over myself!  So I will be where I said I would be at the time I said I would be there and I will like it and when I lay down tomorrow night I will say this was a good day :)

Rules

We started small group tonight.  I am a rule follower but I am learning God has His own set of rules and we have to learn to be pliable because we never know where He is going to take us but we will never know if we are bound to earthly rules. Don't get me wrong I know the scripture render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God.  I am not (hopefully) a law breaker (there are so many laws you really never know) like I am not going to blatantly break the law or even the rules of humanity.  Rules that keep us safe and laws that keep us civilized but I mean rules that state small group should be facilitated a certain way because that is what has worked for the leaders in the church but what if the dynamics of the small group that is together now is completely different than any small group that has been facilitated in the past.  AND what if the facilitator is completely different than facilitators in the past.  Isn't if God's group anyway and shouldn't we rely on how He wants it to be led and what topics He wants to come out and be healed through His word.  I want to follow the lead of the Holy Spirit and if the leading has nothing to do with the leader's guide but God's presence can be filled all throughout the place, I will follow God's rules any day of the week.  I think leader's guides are extremely helpful but I know God's leading ultimately trumps any guide.  I pray that I am not making this up but it is truly the will of God to set new rules and boundaries and that He remains all through this small group this season and its not about any one person but what ever good and perfect plan He has for all of our lives!  

Faith

This morning I woke up thinking I really do not want to do absolutely one thing today...but I am so glad I did not allow my flesh to win and moved on with my day.  I talked to some really intelligent and beautiful people.  I hung out with this cool chick.  I went places and read things I would have never imagined I would have went or read willingly.  Today was a surprisingly good day. 

The thing is God has many good days in store for me, I just got to move my feet and put some action with my faith.  I am memorizing scripture this year as part of the Beth Moore SSMT (you can get more info at the LPM blog).  The first scripture I memorized this year was even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone (James 2:17).  Today was proof of that.  I can believe God and have faith that He is turning my situation around all day long and all night long but until I actually get up and put one foot in front of the other that is all I am going to have is faith....I got to have some works behind my faith.  Not that there is anything in myself that can change my situation, if that were the case it would have been changed long ago.  But I have learned that me taking matters into my own hands often times does not get the results that I was hoping for.  But when I let God handle it the situation always turns out way better than anything I could have ever hoped for or imagined.  But I got to move. 

I remember hearing a preacher/teacher say once that until the Israelites put their feet in the Red Sea, did the Red Sea actually part on their behalf and they were able to see their path clear as day.  That is the same thing that happened to me today...until I move, even if I can't see where I am going, God has already opened doors and parted seas on my behalf but I got to put my feet in the water.  One foot in front of the other and eventually I will see a clear path.  Faith without works is dead.

Seemingly Unimportant Decisions (SUDs)

I waste so much time online.  I am a faster, I believe in prayer and fasting.  I have seen some amazing things happen during a time of prayer and fasting and so I decided to fast my social networking sites.  Usually when I make up my mind to do something I can more times than not stick to it.  So it feels effortless, not checking my facebook or twitter accounts but then I find other things to do online like bookworm or reading blogs. 

The whole point of prayer and fasting is not just to fast something but to replace it with prayer.  I have failed miserably.  I know God's grace is unending and He sees my effort but what am I depriving myself from by not being totally and completely sold out for God not just during a time of fasting but with my all the time? What is playing 30 online games going to add to the substance of my life or reading blog after blog (although interesting) going to change the way I live?  I do believe you can learn from others and I feel that I have learned from reading some blogs but the main One I want to learn from is getting a secondary place in the priorities of my life as I say to myself just play for a few minutes to quiet your thoughts or as I follow blogs about absolutely nothing that has to do with my life but I am just nosey and like to see what other people are doing. 

But God wants to know what I am doing.  He wants me to know what He is doing and really that is what I want.  I want dialogue with Him.  Spending 30 minutes with Jesus will quiet my brain in a way that book worm never can.  Being nosey about what God is up to will change my life in immeasurable ways.  I am getting better yet I still have a long way to go and I just ask Jesus to help me because I apparently will continue to make seemingly unimportant decisions daily that lead me further and further away from the greatest adventure I could have in my life.

Grace

I feel like I am having a ADD moment.  I have so many thoughts of things that need to get done I am not sure where to begin.  This is when the overwhelming feelings take over and I have to practice what I preach.  Take one day at a time....one moment at a time if necessary.

I was thinking earlier about how easily I allow one person to shake my world.  I thought I had out grown caring what people think or the trying to please everyone phase.  But as I am on this new journey, in this new place in life, I find myself reverting back to old behaviors, old insecurities.  This unfamiliar territory has me hyper vigilant about what people around me are thinking about me or have I offended someone or even at times asking myself 'I wonder if so and so likes me?' If that is not insecurity roaring its ugly head I don't know what is! 

So since I know that my mind is being renewed and I am aware that these thoughts are not of God, I then say aloud Ephesians 1:11a out of The Message It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for.  At the end of the day, I want to know who I am in Jesus and the purpose He has for my  life.  I don't want to be paralyzed by thoughts of wondering if someone (who is probably...no IS, as screwed up as I am) likes me or not or was offended by something I said or did.  I have a purpose and it would be a shame if I let some lady I hardly know and apparently has no desire to know me stop me from doing what I was put on this earth to do.

The other thoughts running through my head tonight (this morning) are in my commitments to serve.  I just realized I have overbooked myself and I am torn between equally important commitments.  If I were to have help both could be accomplished but what  I have realized is that when I made this commitment I did not ask God about one little iota of it! Now I am seeking His help and saying if it is Your will, You will work it out.  But He did not get me in this situation I did.  I had pledged, this year, to live by the scripture Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight.  So now my question is although I am the one who made the path crooked is it too late to give it to Him (acknowledge Him in my ways) so He can make my paths straight?  And then I become encouraged by this song I just recently heard by Point of Grace:

Chorus:
There is no valley, there is no darkness
there is no sorrow greater than the grace of Jesus.
There is no moment, there is no distance,
there is no heartbreak He can't take you through.
So before you think that you're too lost to save,
Remember there is nothing greater than grace.

So even if I might have made the paths crooked there is absolutely NOTHING I can do that when I turn to Him and say ok I have screwed up, I acknowledge You, please make my paths straight....guess what?  There is nothing greater than the grace of Jesus and for that I am thankful.

Sleep again....

It is 3:45 in the morning and this is the third night I have not slept.  I have been functioning, in my opinion, well with very little or no sleep.  I know why I am not sleeping.  I had a horrific nightmare (very rare) on Tuesday night and have not slept since.  I do not want the emotions of what happened in that dream to invade my heart and mind again.  But one of things that is weighing so heavy on my mind right now is the promise God makes in Proverbs that when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet (Proverbs 3:24). 

So the fact that I have made a deliberate decision not to fall asleep for fear of a recurring night mare or that I don't trust that He will make my sleep sweet, speaks volumes to me about my relationship with Him.  How much do I really trust Him?  Do I really believe that what He says in His Word is true.  Right now with it being 3:49 in the morning says to me uhhhhh NO!  And oh my how I hate to admit that but my words can say all day long that I trust Him, I believe His Word to be truth but my actions are speaking so much louder than my words. 

My actions of choosing not to ever fall asleep again is like a big slap in His face and I am basically saying to Him that I am going to take care of myself, protect myself,  because I do not trust You enough to do it for me.  That very response to God's promises scares me more than any nightmare ever could so in this moment I am choosing to trust Him, to believe Him to stand firm that when I lie down, I will not be afraid; when I lie down, my sleep will be sweet....Good Night!

Plan of Action

After only getting four hours of sleep last night (probably less than that) I expected this day to be arduous, tumultuous, long.  However I found it to be invigorating, blessed and full of lessons.  I have been on this journey for almost 6 months now and when I began this journey as all journeys begin, I had a plan of action. 

I like plans of action, so much so that my eight year old has been using that phrase for years because we use it in my household to get stuff done.  But what I am learning and although I have read it out of Proverbs a hundred times during my quiet times, is that God laughs at the plans of man.  God has His own plans for me.  Tonight I was reminded that God knows the plans He has for me.  Plans for good and not for evil to give me a future and a hope.  I like it best out of the Message where it is translated as God saying "I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!"  (Jeremiah 29:11)

I think I often make God small and I forget that He knows what He is doing. God's ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and He freakin knows what He is doing. 

If the plan of action I created 6 months ago had worked my life would be completely different right now.  It would look exactly the same as it did last year.  Maybe different picture in the frame of the person I may be dating, the kids are older, I am still tired.  But nothing, if my plan of action had worked, would really be different.  But walking in God's time table and in His perfect plan for my life.  My life looks completely different.  However, I guess if you were an outsider looking in you might not notice a change.  No picture in the dating frame, the kids look older, I am still tired.  But something is changing on the inside of me.  I am different.  I see my kids differently.  I see me differently. 

And so I am inclined to say hmmmm He knows what He's doing!

I'm back

I'm Baaaaccckkk! (I have always wanted to say that lol)

I am certain that no one knew that I was even gone since I was so determined  to have this blog then posted only four times and proceeded to forgot my password and could not return to post anymore.  Yes I forgot my password and just did not have the gumption to try to figure it out or retrieve it somehow. 

However, today I became inspired again and it is truly through my journey with God over the last silent month that I have become inspired again.  I think for a moment He had me going through and had to silence me so that I could hear strictly from Him.  Not friends or loved ones or even myself but only Him.  He has been taking off the old me and peeling off layers of things I had long forgotten.  It is almost like you are deep in your closet and you forgot about a certain shirt or jacket that you use to wear and it brings back memories maybe some good maybe some not so good and if you are like me instead of getting a bag together to give away to Goodwill you hang it back up in the closet thinking maybe I will wear it again one day knowing good and well you won't!  But God is cleaning out my closet, showing me old clothes, reminding me of old hurts and saying 'Honey, you will not be wearing this again, I have new and more exquisite clothes for you to wear and I need to get rid of these old things'. 

I know it is for His glory that this process must take place and I know that my story will be used to help others but I am telling you it has been a painful process.  One of the more painful experiences I have ever gone through and I have gone through some stuff.  But this time it is just  me and God doing this thing.  Work can't get in the way, life is not distracting me, busyness is not an obstacle.  God has removed everything that has ever hindered me from focusing on only Him so He can dig up some old roots of self destruction, hurt and strongholds. 

At first I was angry with God.  Because can't He prevent pain and hurt and tragedies?  Did He not say that I was a Child of His?  What parent would purposely allow their child to go through pain and suffering?  Then He reminded me that He sent His Beloved Son who was without sin to die a terrible death, to endure humiliation and pain and was guilty of nothing but loving His Father and loving me.  He had to go through all of that because He had a purpose on this earth and He was determined to fulfill His purpose.  I have to go through all of this because God has a purpose for me on this earth and I have determined that I will fulfill my purpose.  I would so rather go back to my empty life of work and busyness because it was easier and it hurt less (well so it seemed).  But to be honest with you I have nothing to show for it but regret, shame and even some sickness (mental and physical). 

So I am ready to do something different, something radical.  My way has not worked and in fact my way had me on the verge of losing my mind.  I am ready to really live, really get busy, and actually have something to show for it.

This is my journey to be more like Esther

Sleep

Sleep has been both a friend and an enemy of mine for years now.  I like to label myself an insomniac but I also have been diagnosed with depression.  So either I am up for hours, pushing through with little or no sleep or I am struggling to get out of bed trying desperately to hold on to the euphoria of escaping to a dreamless state for hours.  I have realized recently that this sleep thing for me is called a stronghold...any and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God (II Corinthians 10:5).  Anything that becomes a bigger preoccupation in your mind than the truth and knowledge of God, anything that dwarfs His truth and knowledge in your imagination is a stronghold. So if I have a relationship (sleep) through which I can no longer prioritize Christ and His Word...that is a stronghold (Beth Moore Get Out Of That Pit).  This sleep thing preoccupies my brain but only late at night and/or in the morning.  Either when I am having difficulty falling asleep or when I am having difficulty getting up!  I have made promises to God that I would wake up at a certain time and have quiet time with Him only to roll back over and hit the snooze button.  Then the guilt that comes with once again allowing sleep to take priority over my relationship with Him assuages me and I feel then I am not worthy or not disciplined enough to have a relationship that is meaningful to and with Him.  I think of all the sacrifices He has made for me, the physical and emotional pain He endured on my behalf, the millions of people who do not have 1/4 of the luxuries I enjoy, like a bed to roll over in, a bathroom that is just feet away without fear of being raped or killed, and hot water when I finally do decide to get out of bed and jump in the shower and I condemn myself and say...'it is such a simple sacrifice compared to the sacrifices millions around the world make to have a relationship with Him' and yet every morning I continue to roll over.  However, I tell people all the time God is so gracious, He knows what we are made of, He is in pursuit of our hearts, He continues to love us unconditionally.  I am sincere when I am sharing this with people fully expecting them to believe these things to be true and to accept it as truth in their lives yet I cannot accept it in my own life.  Then I began to feel defeated and living in a lifestyle of defeat and yes believe you me defeat becomes a lifestyle (Beth Moore Get Out Of That Pit).  So then my mind finally questions OK so who wins...the enemy for allowing me to 1) continue to be in this stronghold of sleep, 2) hold me in the stronghold of sleep by pulling me down with guilt and 3) allowing me to become comfortable in the stronghold or the pit, if you will, by creating a lifestyle of defeat that I think is a normal way of living.  Or does God win by reminding that His Word is true, that He does love me unconditionally, that He forgets my sins as far as the east is from the west, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, that I am an overcomer and that greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.  So I am not perfect, I have a looooooong way to go, but just for today I am going to choose truth over lies and start stepping out of the pit, slipping away from the stronghold and knowing that it is not me who is doing the stepping or the slipping but that it is God.  Because I am going to roll over and hit the snooze button again, prayerfully not tomorrow (but I am human...that's what we do) but I also am going to believe that God is a God of another chance and that there have been so many strongholds that he has broken me from in the course of our journey together and there will be plenty more.  But becoming aware is a step and giving it over to Him is an even better step so at least I am moving forward and not backwards and I know I am not where I use to be but I am not where I once was.  So prayerfully, sleep here I come because another one of God's truths is He grants sleep to those He loves.  Goodnight ;-)

Book Club

I was in a book club for nine years.  Not one of those online deals or the buy three books get one free book clubs.  But a read a book a month, meet at each others homes, go out to eat, take trips together, raise our children together...real live book club.  When I first joined, there was an application process, I had to write an essay, get voted in by the founding members all that jazz.  So of course, I felt honored and like I had been invited to something special and for a time it was special.  However, over the years it became more like a snobby, cliquish, fashion show and no one wanting to go against the grain (or the brain) of the majority if you disagreed with the opinions of a book, and less like a book club where all opinions matters, we don't care if you just got off of work we are just glad your here and want to know what you are thinking kind of book club. So after nine years, I went against the grain.  I left, no bye, no telephone call, no letter just left.  They did not seek me out and I did not seek them out.  They were probably just as relived to see me go as I was to go.  But I missed it.  I missed the discipline of reading monthly and having differing opinions to argue over.  I missed the business meetings and learning about new authors that I would have never sought out on my own.  I missed the idea of a book club.  So after a two year hiatus, I was invited to join another book club and actually have and have taken the opportunity to start my own.  Tonight was my first night of the already established book club and it was definitely different than what I am use to being a part of but I can see myself going back.  Next week is the first night of the book club that I am starting and already I see it takes a lot of hard work and effort to pull this thing off but it has been exhilarating.  But I think the most profound thing I am learning from this experience is that God uses your passions.  I realize whatever I am going to be doing in the future does not look like what anybody else is already doing or has already done.  He has a million and fifty ways to use me and the gifts that He has given me and make it into whatever His plan and purpose for those who are apart of the journey and those who will be touched by those in the journey.  So as I reminisce on old things and contemplate on present things and dream about the future things, I realize I do not regret those nine years.  Those experiences taught me a lot and I plan on using the lessons.  Now as I start this new endeavor, I am excited and scared.  It does not have to compare to anybody Else's thing, it doesn't have to look, smell, taste or feel like anything else any one is doing just do what I do best and make sure He is all up in the middle of it all and everything else will fall into place!

Faith

Today was extremely difficult.  I guess I assumed that because I had done basically all the right things, like sowing good seeds, swallowing pride, being obedient and making significant (in my opinion) sacrifices, that everything would work itself out.  However, that disappointingly is not the case.  I am still in the same boat I was in last week, the week before that and even the month before that.  I guess my question is when does my faith become a tangible, material, visual thing.  I know I have so much to be grateful for, healthy family members, my own good health and an almost sane mind, hot water, a vehicle to drive hell access to the World Wide Web at the touch of my finger tips.  I do not want to seem ungrateful or even ungracious but I need more.  I am not sure what that more consist of but when does doing all the right things begin to reap a harvest.  I listen endlessly to others at the sake of my own peace of mind, I am kind, I am loving and I just want peace.  That does not seem to be much to ask for but so unattainable.  I do want to be more like Esther who faced adversity with strength and dignity.  I hope when those who know me well will be able to say that I too face adversity with quiet strength and dignity but in my quiet time alone I feel defeated, scared, maybe a little hopeless.  I am just ready to get to the queen part.  Or at least the 12 months of beauty treatments before I become queen.  I realize Esther had to leave behind all she knew and loved in order to walk into that new life and maybe it was not even a life she even desired but once you have stepped away from all you know to embrace a new life that was not in your plans but obviously in God's plans when do you start seeing the pieces falling together.  Today my faith was shaken.  Not broken or torn but shaken and I am going to do what my counselor friend tells me and others to do often, feel that feeling for five minutes and let it go!  I feel my disappointment, I feel my fear, I feel my doubt, I feel the uncertainty but I also know He has so much more than what I had expected to receive on today in store for me.  He has a future in store for me, a plan and a hope to do good and not to harm me and I do want that, I want what He wants for me.  I know there is no easy way through this journey or to bypass it somehow but it just gets scary some time and I need/want to be able to say that.  Tomorrow is a new day, with new promises and so hope is not lost in fact all things are possible for those who believe...maybe I can sleep now!

Becoming More Like Esther

A few months ago I stepped out on faith and decided to resign from my place of employment.  I was/am very certain that during a time of fasting and praying I was being obedient in that life choice.  Since then, I have lost some material possessions but I am not homeless, I have a vehicle to drive and my family is ultimately happy and healthy.  Due to this decision about 4 months ago, I have learned to live on the bare minimal which I did not realize I could do prior to July 2010.  I now turn off any lights in the house not in use.  I read more, watch television less.  I enjoy spending time with my family and this time last year I would have been obsessed with work/career and not sure what might have been going on in the lives of the ones I claim to most dearly love.  I have also learned to rely on my Higher Power, who I call God, to the utmost.  I feel it was His voice that led me to resign those months ago and yes I had a plan of action to provide for the basic needs of my household but that plan of action ended after 3 months of unemployment and now I am wondering OK what's next.  I guess that is what has led me to write this blog.  I am a huge social network fan and have no qualms about putting my business out there.  But I realized my closest friends on FB and Twitter have no idea that I am basically unemployed.  We go through the normal routine of talking ish and being nosey about what is going on in every body's lives but of course we only know what folks are willing to put out there. And you know that have to make themselves look good or at least they think they are making themselves look good...so I found myself in this last month of having to slow down, sit, think and learn that I really don't know anyone on those folks on social networks, I don't really care what they had for breakfast and I don't want to know if they are in a relationship or not.  Yet I have spent more hours than I care to admit online trolling through profiles and statuses and absolutely nothing in my life is the better for it!  So during a corporate fast at my church, I decided to fast the social networks.  Sounds easy right? Yep actually it was.  I thought when I signed out at 12 midnignt the day of the first fast I was going to go crazy but that only lasted for hmmmm moments.  As I found myself beginning to enjoy again things I once enjoyed like being outside (without the bugs) going to the library, reading and exercising.  I realized there is so much more to life than face book.  During the fast, one of my commitments was to complete the Esther Bible Study by Beth Moore.  It was exciting and I could not wait until the next day so that I could complete the next assignment.  Once that was complete I had an opportunity to watch A Night With The King, a movie based on the events of Esther and then began reading Chuck Swindoll's Esther A Woman of Strength and Dignity.  And although all three accounts had very different perspectives my journey now is to become more like Esther.  There are certain characteristics about this woman that I find intriguing and appealing and continue to be drawn to.  So as I am taking a break from the social networks and the endless trolling of other people's lives that have absolutely no significance on my own I am hoping to learn more about myself and the women I would like to become and the woman God created me to be and where He is leading me to next...I hope you join me on my journey :-)